I want to have sex in a live volcano.
Wait… Let me start over…
Carl Jung once said “As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being.”
It’s with this in mind that I fully embrace experiences that are not so much odd as batshit nuts. The more ridiculous, the better. After all, how can we become connoisseurs of meaning, of experience and emotion, if we don’t dive into amalgamations of the extreme? Don’t just run with the bulls. Fill your pockets with gummy bears and wear white pants. Don’t just float in a zero gravity airplane. Light up a joint and laugh at the people appalled by your actions. This, to me, is kindling a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being. I won’t tell all of mine. Hell, the best bucket list items are often the ones you keep secret. But this one? This one I’d talk about until my death (from fighting a lion on the African steppe with a katana).
And best of all, I could do it. Sex happens. Hell, even I get to do that sometimes. And, as importantly, “active” volcano doesn't mean “erupting” volcano. So by that standard, Hawaii is one giant active volcano. A giant, sweaty, writhing, and expensive active volcano. And you can go there!
Point being, it has to be potentially attainable. You can’t fly by flapping your arms or stare a goat to death. If they aren’t, then the drive to attain the check marks on your list will dissipate, leaving you a shell of a human being, destined to die alone, defeated, eaten by your house cats while you lay twitching on a warped linoleum floor. So keep it real. It doesn’t have to be clean. It doesn’t have to be classy. But it has to be real.
And finally, you can’t just have the list. You have to follow through. One of my biggest regrets is a lost opportunity when I was in Kabul, guarding the embassy. I’d met Donald Rumsfeld, got to shake his hand, and the moment was on me. I questioned the direction of my life at that defining moment. Should I slap him on the ass and say “Good game?” Or would the moment pass like your first kiss, sweet and fleeting? And there it went, along with his footfalls, leaving an echo that haunts my memory to this day. YOU HAVE TO TRY IN ORDER TO ACHIEVE. So now, because I didn't try, the gods saw it fit for someone to take a picture to remind me of my cowardice. Here's The Moment:
Sonofabitch.
So that’s it. I encourage- NAY! I challenge you to follow through with these ridiculous dreams. As far as I can discern, it’s why we’re here. Not to manipulate the world around us to fit our comforts. Not to judge just because we don’t understand. Not to kill each other. It’s the experience and our interactions in it that not simply define us, but the way we’re remembered. So I’ll leave you with a question before returning to my plans for Hawaii.
What’s on your bucket list?