David Lynch, esteemed writer, director, and all around creative mastermind, wrote in his book Catching the Big Fish about his view of creativity and the use of psychiatric medication. This was his excerpt:
"I went to a psychiatrist once. I was doing something that had become a pattern in my life and though, Well, I should go talk to a psychiatrist. When I got in the room, I asked him, 'Do you think this process could, in any way, damage my creativity?' And he said, 'Well, David, I have to be honest: It could.' And I shook his hand and left."
Let that sink in.
It's a powerful statement.
Now here's my response:
Must be nice, asshole.
Unfortunately, like a large minority of America and the world, if I don't stick with my medication, or if, for some god-forsaken reason, my body decides it didn't get enough fill-in-the-blank, the end result is not simply dangerous for me, but potentially harmful to those with whom I interact. For example, suicidal tendencies and despair don't lead to productivity.
When I'm in one of these funks, I get nothing done. At all.
I lock my doors, rarely answer my phone, and am left in my own world, grasping randomly for anything to take my mind off of where it would otherwise wander. And I do and everything eventually gets better, as it always has.
But this bad place is where I've been for the last few months. Anxiety and despair cementing me to my couch, eating junk food and wishing the day was over. Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining. It could be far, far worse.
Another thing that needs to be said is that I'm not looking for pity. Save your pity for the weak. Seriously. It does me no good. I'm just clearing air so that I can get back to doing what I do.
But I felt an explanation was owed to you, the reader. I've been taking active steps toward remedying this, and they have worked, as they always do, but slowly. I'm working up a momentum again and will be posting new blog posts as often as I can, including guest posts from some very talented individuals.
So, to continue, I wanted to apologize for falling off the map, but also for the ongoing length of Nicaragua: A Knuckle Dragger's Guide. I'm not claiming that anyone is complaining, but I said it would be shorter and it isn't. This was a first for me when it came to writing an ongoing blog and I failed to grasp how long the story would be. My focus, however, was to have a properly written full story by the time I was done without having to second guess whether I should have added more.
With all of that said, know that all of this is just part of life and I'm fine with it. The lows only reinforce the value of the good times, and I still have a lot of those to get to.
And I'll do it because I'm on the right medication.
Yours truly